Inter vs. Schalke.
Yeah, fricking Inter vs Schalke (which in German means "we're just glad to be here").
At the frickin' San Siro.
Calling Schalke the underdog is akin to calling Alan Greenspan an asshole. Sure, it's accurate, but it just doesn't seem... y'know...enough.
So, anyway I fire up the game, expecting to see Inter toy with the Germans before dispatching them 1-0. Yawn.
Sixteen seconds in, I see this sh!t:
An inexact transcript of the commentary I got on my network was.
Oh!
....WHOA!Oh My EFFING CHRIST!!! WHAT THE SCREAMING F&*$! WAS THAT???
That would be Inter's Dejan Stanković volleying a ball from just inside the center line, over the keeper into the net - 25 seconds from kick off.
That was the opener. At this point bookies are sending out their enforcers to collect from people who had Schalke losing by only a goal. Twenty five goddamn seconds and this game is over.
Except nobody tells this to Schalke. They equalize sixteen minutes later. A total POS slob goal off a corner.
Okay, so Inter grabs another one sixteen minutes later. 2-1, Inter. Thanks for playing.
Then Edu nets just a sick goal five minutes before half. 2-2!
Then five minutes into the second half Raul scores on an even sicker move. 3-2 Schalke!
Then an own goal by Inter. 4-2. Schalke!
Four minutes later, Inter's Chivu gets sent off with a second yellow. Blood in the water. Italian fans start to eat each other...
Then Edu puts a stake into Inter with his second of the night. 5-2. Mother-effing-Schalke!
Inter...spanked. By three. At the San Siro. By Schalke!
God, but I need a drink...
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