Too Soon?

Overheard at the sandwich shop:

Q: What do you call a woman who chases after a much younger man?

A: A cougar.

Q: What do you call a man who chases after a much younger man?

A: A Nittany Lion

Quote of the Night

 Just because it made me laugh...

I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar...

-Texts from Last Night

Dangerously Deep

(Via The Big Picture)

Hipshot

(via the Awl's ranking of state slogans)

# 38. "Virginia is for Lovers"
North Virginia, however, is for motherf[*]ckers.

Crack Me Up

Conan O'Brien takes a page from Stephen Colbert and roasts Dartmouth with a brilliantly biting commencement address.




And for a follow up - here's Samuel L. Jackson delivering a forceful reading of the instant classic, Go the F*ck To Sleep:



(H/t E)

Stewart vs. Trump's Pizza

Doubtless most anyone who reads this has already seen this, but if I can be the safety net for the odd case that hasn't - this simply must be seen.



I laughed until it hurt, then rewound and did it again.

Dear God, I think something burst.

Oregon Legislature Rick Rolls...Everyone?

There's all kinds of suckage in the news lately, so I'm going to just call a Friday perrogative and post something that is jaw droppingly strange.

A video of the Oregon Legislature dropping Rick Astley lyrics into the public record - with the ultimate goal of creating a Rick Roll video:

Thank You, Max Silvestri

So, I'm home and sick.

• It's February - which sucks without saying so - yet it must be said.
• Naturally, it's pledge week.
• E's dumped dinner on me, so I indignantly pick up take out that does not involve cheese melted over carbs (on principle) - only to realize later I've merely bought the same ingredients served at room temperature.
• The Banks are being offered a get out of fraud free pass from the government.
• I spent eight hours at work trying to stop people from doing stupid things that they knew were stupid - yet were prepared to do anyway.
• BabaTim is suddenly all kinds of stupid
• Nearly half of America doesn't know that the Affordable Health Care Act is still law (Thank you, modern media)
• And on and on....
  

So, it was cathartic when I read this bit from Max Silvestri's recap of Top Chef

It's Quick Fire time, and our chefs are greeted by the pumpkinny visage of Paula Deen. Their smiles of delight turn to screams of horror as she eats all six of them, one by one, then picks her teeth with Padma. It is very horrible and the show is canceled forever but in some ways I understand because Paula Deen seems very hungry.

Oh, lord did I need that.

Well Put

Seen on a protester's sign in Madison, WI:

Union Workers Won the Super Bowl

Also, this was nice. And this.

And also this.

Quote of the Day - 12/20/2010

Today's winner courtesy of Mike Rowe, host of Dirty Jobs, in response to the question "what was the worst job you ever tried?"

Of the 300 I would say for pure, epic horror - there's a thing called a lift pump and it's at a wastewater treatment plant. And a lift pump weighs about four tons and it sits in the bottom of a five story silo. And when the lift pump ruptures, the silo fills with whatever you flush.

And to make a long story short: you swim through the muck to the pump, you crawl on top, a crane lowers a cable, you affix it, you hang on. And the sound that a broken lift pump will make when its hoisted out of the silo and breaks the seal of poo that was holding it to the floor will haunt your dreams.

If I Showed You My Unit Badge, I'd Have to Kill You

Danger Room keeps posting awesomely-bad military patches, and I have to say I'd admire this effort from an Air Force unit working for Space Command:

Confirmed: The Air Force Totally Hides Aliens From Us...A former officer at Air Force Space Command tells Paglen that he and his friends had the patches made at their own expense after getting endlessly ribbed for working in a secure vault "where they kept the alien bodies." They wore them on their flight suits for months before a one-star general asked where he could get one of his own.

Oh, and the barely-decipherable legend on the bottom? It's Klingon for "Don't Ask." Paglen got it in the mail from its creator after mentioning that he knew about its existence on the Colbert Report.

How unbelievably awesome is that?


A valiant runner-up patch was this one:Omnis Vestri Substructio Es Servus ad Nobis

How Do You Really Feel, Barry?

(Via The Big Picture)

Love this:

I feel compelled to correct an embarrassing grammatical error in the Washington Post.

The paper, whose grammar is usually outstanding, wrote this morning that

“The [foreclosure] problems came to light this fall as firms such as Ally Financial, Bank of America and J.P. Morgan Chase halted foreclosures because of revelations about shoddy documentation and other questionable practices.”

It came to light because the banks were embarrassed by public disclosures of the half-arsed, slip shod operations they were running — and because courts started kicking out foreclosure proceedings because of this.

As to the grammatical error: Forgery, fraud, and criminal contempt of court are not mere “questionable practices” — the word you are having some difficulty recalling is Felony. If the editors at Washington Post do not know how to spell the word, perhaps we can help them out:

The word is Felony.

Spelling bee contestant: “Can you use that in a sentence?”

Yes: “Felony. The bank executive was convicted of a felony involving fraud, went to prison, and was sodomized daily. Felony”

We can dream.

I Challenge You to a Michael Caine-Off!

Oh my God, this made me laugh...



(Via the Awl)

Bloody Brilliant

Aussie or Kiwi - this magician has a simply marvelous card trick (after a quick warm up, that is)

Obama's Kryptonite

This was just too perfect:

The Best Way to Take Out a Unicorn

Thanks to The Oatmeal, for teaching grammar with possibly the most attention getting examples.

(Shout out to my man, MTB)

Wall and Peace

Just flipped through a copy of Wall and Peace by the guerrilla artist extraordinaire, Banksy.

Just a rollicking good time.

His art and clandestine art installations are brilliant, of course - but he intersperses it with copy that is as delightfully venomous as the rest of his work.

I especially like his observation that giving respect to the property rights of public advertisements is like "asking for permission to keep a rock that someone's just thrown at your head."

@Twitter

Proof that tweets can make anything lame...

God tweets the creation of the universe

God: @adam @eve I am the LORD your God who separated the light from the darkness. You shall have no other God before me for I am the LORD your Go
2 days ago

God: &#$%ing character limits. Point is, yay! I made you! Hi! Do what i say.
2 days ago

And so on

America's Finest News Source Bags Another Scoop

Behold, the Onion's latest masterpiece:

Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters

Two Brilliant Bits of Street Art

One

and

Two

There now, wasn't that fun?

(H/t Good blog)