Seems H's exit was a lot more pathetic than I originally thought. They were sending email out to other departments begging people to say nice things to H's boss so H wouldn't be fired.
No one said anything in H's favor, and the fact that H acted so unprofessional probably made the decision to terminate a whole lot easier for management.
I got some personal clarity on an issue that was bugging me for a long time - why on earth would H have helped me get a better job, after I went out of my way to get H canned at the last one?
I was relating the backstory to another co-worker and was in mid brain-barf when they wrote something on a piece of paper and passed it over to me. They'd written three words and two symbols on it:
It rang so true, I just burst out with "Oh, My God!"Guilt
+
Indebtedness
=
Control
Control!
That was it. H had been manipulating me by treating me better than I had treated them. It had worked, too. I'd been on their side on a number of things when I shouldn't have. Said measured things when I might have spilled out the whole sorry backstory.
H had told me that they were doing great at work - truth was a little more modest. The boss liked H, that was true. Most everything else was bunk. I'd repeat that bunk, and suddenly H had some kind of "rep." I'd sung their praises to lots of people, in and out of work. I'd default to an ally on pretty much anything.
We were always able to work together, that was true - and I really wanted to believe that H had found a place they could excel in. But it's abundantly clear that nothing had changed, and I was getting played.
The third part of the story would only come from H, and I'll never get that side. But I have to say that I can turn that curiosity off without a second thought.
I'm just naive enough to assume people are being up front about things, and with H - that was clearly a mistake.
It was particularly telling that H's "please help me" email didn't get sent to me. H knew what I'd say at that point - the truth - because that's what I did at our last job.
So, two years of this crap ends right now. No guilt, no strings.
Free and clear.
Happy birthday to me.
4 comments:
Free at last
Free at last...
Keep up the good work buddy!
I think that your co-worker who wrote that has unusual clarity of vision. Sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to point out the obvious.
Happy (very belated) birthday as well.
I've become convinced that 99% of people in the Midwest fall into two camps - those who are slaves to some form of guilt, and those who know how to manipulate it. Once one learns to find a third way, they become a much happier person.
(And, that may go well beyond the Midwest, but I'll leave that discovery to future travels...)
As Rafiki from the movie Lion King said: It is time - It is time that you move away from all of that negativity...it is time that you close that chapter of your professional life and now, it is time you move on.
~your grasshopper
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