AT&T: You Gotta Admire the Consistency

I realize this is getting tiresome, but it's just amazing how terrible AT&T is at the whole "Let's sign you up as a new Uverse customer" thing.

A few weeks ago, I was sent a flyer offering me $550 worth of gift cards if I signed up for Uverse. As I was only getting $150 worth of gift cards (which have yet to arrive) - I figured I'd call and see if this was a deal I qualified for.

I didn't think the odds were good, but if there was a new deal that could get me more goodies - I figured I'd ask.

I know - Never, never call AT&T if you have anything productive planned for your day.

I know this. Also, I know that if anything good is going to come out of AT&T, you are generally going to have to wade through a river of crap in order to get it.

So I call the number on the flyer for more information.

Short version:

• The phone tree has no option for my "Do I qualify for this?" question
• I'm transferred three times, so in AT&T land that means:
• I repeat my question three times; and
• Establish my identity three times
• Then I'm told that this deal applies to people who aren't getting the deal I have. Were I to forfeit my discount, I could get $550 worth of discounts - but this would mean I would end up paying more for this "gift."

Which means - as expected - this was a waste of time. The capstone on this pile of fail was the attitude I was getting from the rep - who repeatedly said "we send these flyers out to everyone in your area."

Yes, I said, I expect that's why I got one. It has my name on it and offers me a deal that (based on the minimal supporting detail supplied) sounds better than the one I have. It tells me to call. So I have.

Seriously, giving me attitude because I foolishly did why your flyer asked: "Call for Details?"

The rep's position basically amounted to "We send marketing crap to everyone - don't you know not to believe anything we say?"

Ugh.

*    *     *

AT&T Marketing materials are full of crap. So what else is new?

This:

AT&T Math: -$183.09 + $109.76 = -$183.09 
Apparently.

This is my account status according to AT&T. As I pointed out in the prior post - AT&T is capable of adding a new bill instantly - but has trouble canceling out a bill that has already been issued. Even if - as in my case - the new bill is for services that totally replace the services listed in the first bill. As in, these two bills CANNOT both be valid.

Internet and phone for the same phone number. I am not getting two internets and two phone services on the same phone line.

But in AT&T logic - this could be possible and so I have a double bill for internet and phone. I called (*sigh*) to sort this out and was told to pay my Uverse bill and wait for an updated bill for the old phone and internet.

Naturally, my payment for Uverse was applied to my old service bill.

Also - Naturally - my Uverse bill was listed as past due.

*    *     *

Now before any wisenheimers out there point out what is going on - I want to say YES, I KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.

My old service had an account number. My payments are being sent to that account number.

My new service has a new account number. Payments without this new number will not be applied to the Uverse account.

YES. I GET THAT.

But letting that stand as an excuse or explanation is allowing the stupid to hold the field of battle.

Here's the mental model of a customer

• I am an AT&T customer
• I have one balance for AT&T services
• I log into the AT&T website and it tells me what this balance is
• Each month, I pay this balance.
• One day, I change AT&T service A to AT&T service B
• The End

You will note - it contains no mention of account numbers. I am still a customer of AT&T - with a single address.

AT&T has created two accounts to track my services - which is two more than I want and 1 more than I need.

There should be a parent account record for my household that can hold as many child accounts as AT&T's Byzantine system requires. But I should only have one balance, and payments should update that balance as they are applied. A credit and a balance due should never co-exist on my statement.

Yes, if I drill down into the detail of my balance, I should be able to determine what services cost what. But really, all a user wants to know is - do they owe money or not?

AT&T has created a web interface that (finally!) allows the user to manage all their services under one login - and they keep falling into the habit of keeping everything separate.

Arrgh!

And when you fire up their chat (because calling them is beyond annoying) you are greeted with this:

Hello, logged in user. Who are you? 

And what is your contact info?

I mean, seriously. Yes, I get that a logged in user could be using their spouse's log in, so they might want to ask if this is Susan or Bill - but c'mon! When you are logged in and hit chat - you should go directly to chat. Do not pass 'Go.' And sure as hell, you shouldn't be asked IF you are a customer.

Double ARRRGH!

Here's the chat-drone's response to the situation:

You made the payment towards your old account instead of the new account by mistake. I can get this fixed. I will transfer the payment from the old account to the new account. please give me couple minutes to take care of that for you.

No, I didn't sent the money to the wrong account. I paid AT&T the same way I have for years, and you moved my goalpost.

"Thank you for upgrading your services and being such a valued customer for all these years. Now, who are you? And what should I do with this money you just sent me?"

ARRGH! and ARRRGH! again....