FTE Tuesday

With the drama done, I'm focused on getting myself brought on full time at the new gig. The new gig was contract-to-hire and - originally - I was supposed to have been a full time employee after two to three months.

Not that the contracting part of the new gig has been bad. In contrast to the other staffing company I worked for (and all of the ones I've heard colleagues talk about), my current staffing company has been good. Really good.

As in, they are beating on the doors to get me hired as a FTE. Which is the total opposite of my previous company - who let me sit as a contractor for well over five years and seemed perfectly content to let me stay that way.

Being a contractor has some upsides, but I've always wanted to be part of the team.

The new staffing company was keen to get me situated - it was just my current client is slow to move on just about anything.

Thinking back to how they agreed to hire me on contract - it was a month of zero communication from them before they suddenly asked me to come aboard. That's not terribly normal anywhere else but here - apparently.

In their defense, my understanding of the situation is that they'd signed a contract to provide a contract worker for X amount of hours. My predecessor, Anjin-san, had worked through some of those hours - but a not insignificant amount of hours remained on the contract.

And my client was obligated to pay for those hours whether or not a contractor was working them or not. Were they to hire me before they'd burned through those hours, they would be doling out twice the money for the same labor. Once for FTE me, and once again to pay out the contract.

Not that I'd get paid twice - and not that they'd get twice the labor out of me.

So - my hire date wouldn't arrive until I'd burned through the hours. I'd check with my account rep and they gave me an estimate of mid-August.

Now, the discriminating reader will note that I am writing this in the latter half of October.

Yes. This is true.

And I'd asked about this. My Boss is a great person - but they are literally the eye of the storm in this place. Constantly getting calls or texts or rushing from meeting to meeting at a breakneck pace. They are incredibly smart - and grasp very complicated things in one pass - all the while maintaining several other incredibly complicated things in their head at the same time.

I literally do not know how they do this.

And I hate to add to their burdens. But eventually, questions about holiday plans emerge and re-emerge often enough to signify there are going to be problems ahead if I don't get a handle on when my FTE status will begin.

Because once it does - the magic of five weeks of vacation can begin. There are some restrictions, but you literally can start using them as soon as you come on board. It's ri-DONK-ulous - and I want it. Mom's planning a family vacation down south and gosh darn it, we're going to do that. And I want me a holiday, too.

It's been almost eight years since I was paid for the day after Thanksgiving. Staffing companies don't do that sort of thing. My last staffing company had a few set holidays - but the add ons didn't make the cut. If you wanted that day, you paid in PTO.

My current company doesn't even do that. If my client isn't open for business - as of right now - I don't get paid. I don't even have the option to come in, because the place is closed.

Which - how do you say? - SuuuuUuuuuuuuucks.

To counteract this, my staffing company called me out of the blue before Labor Day and told me they had a nice surprise for me. I'm thinking They're going to pay me for Labor Day! Which seemed like a good guess. Only I didn't manage to get a hold of them until after the holiday.

I'm thinking they're going to send me a gift card or something. Meh.

No. Instead, they're giving me a 15% raise on my salary. Which, by the way, is the largest raise (percentage or absolute dollars) I have ever received.

I was so dumbfounded by this move, that I don't think I adequately thanked my account rep. I just was like "uh, can I get a paper copy that details this?" I literally thought my rep had misspoken. There's no WAY they meant that much...

But they did. And they made the raise retroactive to the last pay period.

!!!

So the following Friday, I get a paycheck that is better than any that preceded it. I immediately made plans to get E and I out of the house for some celebrating. But it got delayed, and then - well, you know what happened.

I still owe her a night out, by the way.

Anyway, I'm hesitant to bother the boss about bringing me on as FTE and now I'm 15% less inclined to do so. After all, there is no way my client is going to agree to be on the hook for this new pay rate.

One of the things that genuinely shocks me about my interview with my current Boss is how blunt I was about money. Well, that - and the fact that I showed up in blue jeans. But mostly the money thing.  I laid out a slightly inflated version of my compensation at CorpWorld and then proceeded to spell out my expectation to continue getting paid at least that as a FTE.

Contract work often is higher than FTE rate - at least in my experience - and I was very clear about not wanting to contract for rate X - and then go FTE at X minus anything. Which is pretty blunt coming from the likes of me. I'm truly terrible at the deal - always have been - and getting all ultimatum-ish with a prospective employer was well outside of my norm.

But I did it, and my Boss indicated this would not be a problem. Score!

So, I'd coasted past labor day - happy to soak up my temporary rate of X +15% until I went FTE at just plan X.

No hurry, man... just take your time...

But like I said, the PTO situation would ultimately be an issue. Knowing the speed of things, I didn't want machinery to start right before Thanksgiving, because odds are it wouldn't stop until right before Christmas. And I did not want that.

Which is why I was bugging the boss about bringing me on right around the time I was talking with that Corporate Recruiter. This needs to stop. I need to settle down.

In my heart of hearts, I'd imagined a scenario where I'd tell my Boss I had this other offer and that I was willing to stay but only at X +15%. The Gordon Gekko approach.

No doubt there are some worlds where that is the norm, but that really wasn't how I wanted to do this. I'd only spoken to the Recruiter so I had a plan B in the event there was some foul up and I couldn't go FTE. And it really struck me as a total jerkwad move.

I'd spoken to Morlock, the sole developer at the new gig and they assured me that my hire was a sure thing. "You just gotta get after the Boss. It'll happen. No question."

Morlock said something else, though. Something about my classification as an FTE: "You're probably going to be classified at Level 1, which means your salary will be set at the lowest level coming on."

Now, aside from the Prince of Darkness, I don't know anyone more pessimistic about things than Morlock. Morlock has been convinced that they've been about to be fired for fourteen years.
You don't talk to Morlock when you're looking for sunshine.

But Morlock is big on the details, so it would be foolish not to address this issue. If there is no salary negotiation when I come on board, my Client might mistakenly give me the wrong agreement.

This is the one thing that could go wrong. And it's my future salary. So, on the same day that I'm telling the Recruiter that I won't take the gig - I'm sitting down with the Boss making sure there are no misunderstandings about what my rate will be going forward.

Without batting an eye, the Boss says "X -11%"

My initial reaction was stunned silence. Then I talked about my expectation that there would not be so much of a fall off when I went to FTE.

See what I did there? - As I said, I SUCK at the deal.

My Boss thought for a moment, then said "You want me to put words in your mouth?"

And I said "Yes."

Totally. SUCK. At the deal.

And my Boss said "You want us to try to meet you halfway?"

And I said "That'd be great."

Understand, this would amount to hoping for "X - 5.5%" Yeah, that would be greeeEEeeeeat.

With that, I go to lunch. Leaving things in the Boss's hands is reflex at this point. The Boss has half a dozen impossible things to do before the end of the day and always manages to get them done. This is just another one.

Also, I'm just not up for some kind of staredown. I know I should be, but I'm not.

After lunch, I come back to find an email from HR entitled "Letter of Hire."

I open it to find a form letter attachment congratulating me on my new status as a Full Time Employee -

-At the going rate of "X - 11%"

They've scheduled me for a two hour meeting with HR at 9am on Monday to finalize the paperwork.

The wrong paperwork.

I immediately head into my Boss's office. "Did you see that email from HR?" I'm trying not to get too worked up, but in the back of my head I'm doing the math. Going from "X + 15%" to "X - 11%" is a hell of a lot of awful.

My Boss's response is immediate. "We'll fix this. I need to speak to the CFO."

The CFO is a whirlwind of stress that buzzes around my Boss wherever they go. Awhile ago the Boss and I were grinding out some manual work at 11pm and the CFO called - they felt their monitor was too dim and could my Boss "run up with a new one?" 

Seriously.

But this is the person who needs to sign off on correcting my wages. My Boss has their ear - and this is just another impossible deed they will accomplish before 9am on Monday.

My Boss is a good person. I believe they will do this thing. I email them the specific number we talked about and thank them for their time.

The number is "X - 5.5%"

And I go forth and I write the Recruiter and tell them "Thank You For Considering Me."

*     *     *

Now, in that very email - I'd left open only a sliver of hope that the recruiter would hold on until I'd gotten my salary situation sorted out. I'd studiously left out any mention of other jobs in my salary discussions - because (and I'm seriously doubting this right now) I thought that was the honorable thing to do.

If the only thing I used the Corporate gig for was as leverage against my current employer - well, it sure felt like I wasted a whole bunch of smart people's time. I didn't want to do that. 

This is stupid thinking. I realize this now. But it was what I was thinking at the time. Don't hit the Boss over the head with this. There is a stack of red tape that needs to be sorted out - and they don't need to feel you're threatening them. It's not a good way to forge a working alliance.

Over the weekend, I was too busy to do much thinking about work. We had our annual gathering of college friends and their families at my house and it was wall to wall socializing.

And great. Being jacked up about the work situation gave me a subject to unload about - but as there was no resolution it was just venting stored up stress. 

What's funny, is when I think about how I described the salary snafu, I'd unconsciously made an edit to where my salary stood. Yes, I told my friends, my job is offering less money than we agreed to, but my Boss is going to make it right.

Make it right.

"Making it right," would be getting me back to X. But that's not what was in the works. My Boss had offered to get me from "X - 11%" up to "X - 5.5%" 

I like my Boss a lot. Maybe that's why I wanted to paper over what was happening. I cannot believe they would do that to me. Not the Boss.

After a whirlwind weekend filled with old friends - and nowhere near enough catching up - everyone goes home.

And I go back to work.

*     *     *

Monday

I'm supposed to meet with HR at 9am. I generally get into the office around 8:30 or so - this job is incredibly flexible about home obligations. Last week - I got to walk with my kids to school every day. Gave me an entirely new perspective on mornings. I love that flexibility. 

Quality of life, man.

But this morning - I'm dropping off the kids by car because I need time to check in with the Boss and see if HR is up to speed on some new arrangement for my salary.

-and I forgot my passport.

I was supposed to bring my social security card to the HR meeting, but I could use a passport for most of it. My SS card is in the safety deposit box and between 12:40pm on Friday and Monday morning - I hadn't managed to get it out of the bank.

And this morning, I'd forgotten my passport. So, back home I go. I sprint upstairs and get the damn thing - then manage to make it to work at 8:45. HR is in a separate building about ten minutes away.

I need to check in to see if my Boss is there - or if there's an email.

They're not. And there isn't.

I'm going to meet HR blind.

I head over - resolving in my head not to sign anything that shows a salary figure of "X -11%." I'm not going down that road. 

But if it's "X -5.5%" You takin' that? Huh?

I'm rewinding back to Friday. Back when I told the Recruiter no. I'd been thinking about quality of life, flexible hours - lots of PTO. But the Recruiter's offer was long on one thing in particular: money.

Gone now.

I dash into the HR building and fumble my way into a cluster of office cubes. There are a brace of staffers there clearly waiting for me. An incredibly poised woman announces that while they could start my meeting - they had late information that something about my salary was still in flux.

She then pointed out that this business does not negotiate on salary. For my classification - there is one rate - the rate they offered. She mentioned there was some possibility of a re-classification - but that would be something that should have been settled before I met with HR. 

"We were not told of this until now."

I sympathize. They are in an awkward position. They expected a pro forma form processing session - and there is something to negotiate. And they are not allowed to negotiate. 

Those sorts of things take place before things reach HR. And HR was not happy about being left with someone else's mess.

My mess.

I told them we should reschedule and I went back to my office. 

Back at the office - I'd gotten another email from the Recruiter. They said they would wait until I met with the people I needed to before accepting my withdrawal as a candidate.

That was incredibly generous of them. I have a moment's flash of jumping at their offer - but I remember CorpWorld. I remember years of not getting a raise followed by years of dread - thinking I'd be laid off.

And less vacation. I hadn't gotten my golden handcuffs, but I wanted them.

*     *     *

When the Boss finally did show up - they had no news for me. They'd been unable to reach the usually omnipresent CFO. Naturally, the CFO was taking a day of vacation and were unreachable. 

I'd entertained thoughts of keeping the Recruiter's offer in my back pocket when and if salary negotiations began - but it didn't look like they'd begin anytime soon. Meantime, the Recruiter's offer was about to turn into a pumpkin while I sat waiting for the goddamn CFO.

I knew I would get to see the CFO on Tuesday, though. My group was scheduled to meet with him so he could give a presentation on our financial situation.

At first, this sounded ominous - but the Boss assured me this was just one of those regular speeches to the troops right around the time that budgets and financial indicators were in flux. "Nothing to worry about."

Nothing at all. And the Boss will handle your salary thing. Bank on it.

Before the end of the afternoon, I contacted the Recruiter to thank them for waiting on me, but that I had been unable to contact the people I needed today. 

They didn't respond.

Pumpkin.

No closer to FTE-hood and feeling ill, I called it a day.

*     *     * 

Tuesday

It started out like a sitcom. I'd been asked by YoungPM to put together some process documents on the work I was doing. They'd asked for a sample document to review by the end of the week, and then 17 more in about two weeks.

The day after they'd asked for a sample document - two days before they said they wanted it done - they asked if it was done.

Process documents are a piece of cake, so it was done. I sent it along within 12 minutes. Here.

No 'thank you.' No 'Sorry about needing it earlier." No response at all. You're welcome.

That was YoungPM last week. This week, Tuesday, they're asking for all 17 process documents by Thursday. That'd be more than a week earlier than what they'd originally asked for. 

YoungPM would like to schedule a marathon meeting with me to crank out the documents - YoungPM and Me working together, in my office.

1) Process documents are a piece of cake

2) I do virtually every part of the 17 processes I need to document; and 

3) WTF would having another person in the room help me with?

All this adds up to a PM who doesn't know what they are doing.

I tell YoungPM I'll make the documents and send them along to review. Once YoungPM has had a look at them, we can meet to discuss edits and cleanup. That's something that might need two people.

I'm looking at process docs from other units and they have dates on them like July. I'm asked to get mine last week, and do them in five days.

This is the PM I will work for the bulk of my UX work.

I grind out docs until it's time to go to the CFO's presentation.

It's for all the admin and IS staff - and it's Goddawful. It begins with the CEO talking in pulseless tones about our 'vision' and strategic goal of becoming a 'center for excellence.' At more than one point the CFO cues the CEO into which group he is speaking to - so the CEO can insert the name of one of our groups into his canned lines.

Meh.

Next up is the CFO. They are a much more dynamic and engaging speaker - but their material has me slackjawed almost immediately. The CFO puts up a chart of our primary funding source over the past decade - it is an absolute flatline. No new money is coming in - and the CFO makes it clear that this picture - at least from this funding source - is not going to change.

The CFO then launches into a whiz-bang discussion of the various strategies that will be employed to gain new funding sources. The most notable among them is borrowing the equivalent of 10% of our current gross income as 'seed money' to fund 'new initiatives.'

I want to barf. I went five years without a raise at my last job. I know for a fact that no one at this gig has gotten a raise in the last five years. 

At this point, the CFO - I'm not making this up - begins to tear up as they thank the staff for their sacrifices over the past several years.

I start to feel that familiar haunting feeling again, right in between my shoulder blades.

I have faced flatlined COLA and downsizing before, and I don't ever want to do that again.

This is a roomful of people who have experienced everything short of layoffs - and their CFO is telling them they are about to go into debt to spend their way out of their problems.

I'm starting to freak out. The spectre of professional death.

This is silly.

But that's just what it feels like. The instant the presentation is over, I go over to my Boss and ask if he has any news. 

The Boss looks up, "I literally just walked into the room before the presentation started. The CFO hasn't responded to my messages."

I can't spontaneously interrupt the CFO and CEO for my problems right now - but I need them to sort me out. If I can get at least signed up at a decent rate, I could hang on for a few years and soak up some good PTO. Get some vacay with the fam....

I'm car-pooling back with the SilentOne - a co-worker of mine who (as you might expect) doesn't talk much. Post meeting they are more chatty, though. They think the CFO's tears are rehearsed - and they tell me they've never seen a meeting like that one before.

I blow into my office and check to see if the Recruiter has gotten back to me - nothing.

Pumpkin. You blew it.

Morlock shows up to complete the day. Morlock is, without a doubt, somewhere on the Aspberger's spectrum. They are obsessed with dates - are incapable of summarizing anything - and are bruisingly blunt about everything. 

Molock is mad because of something I've screwed up. Morlock is capable of keeping a truly insane amount of detail in their RAM at all times. Conversations with Morlock begin with a muttered "Last month I showed you this line of code - do you remember?"

I never remember. With Morlock - I write everything down. Morlock believes nothing you say unless you  can point to a primary source. "How do you know this? What is it based on? Okay. Fair enough."

I can't remember what Morlock was mad about that afternoon as I was barely listening to them. If you ask Morlock what time it is, they will tell you how to build a watch. They will then explain the intricate ways in which time is recorded and calculated according to an episode of Nova that they watched a few years ago.

If you interrupt, Morlock will get angry. If you try to change the subject, Morlock will get angrier still. They. Are. Not. Finished. Yet.

I have sat through innumerable sessions with Morlock spouting gouts of information in a steady stream. It's like listening to an audiobook of the final chapters of Kafka's 'The Castle' cranked up to double speed. 

At first you listen, then your brain requests a time out. Then you fidget nervously as you realize you haven't followed a single word for the past ten minutes. Morlock is bound to ask you a question and you won't be able to answer. Morlock will know you haven't been listening - and that will make everything worse.  

You invent a reason to leave. I need to move my car, I need to go to the bathroom, I need to go throw up for a few hours. Anything. You just need to get clear - get some air - something.

Morlock tells me we have to have a meeting later in the week to review some things. They are incredulous that I don't just know these things. "Don't you remember? We talked about this in June"

Whatever excuse I make, I get out and spend the next few minutes stalking around the building desperately replaying the past day.

I will be paid significantly less than I'd signed on for.

I will get lots of time off.

It will be years before I will get my next raise.

I will work hand in glove with Morlock.

I will perform my UX work in service to YoungPM.

But I keep going back to the first item. I'd made a deal to be paid X. And it wasn't going to happen. I'd botched the follow up negotiations, but really - this is not something I should have been discovering this late in the game. If there were issues with my salary requirements - or questions - they could have asked me. I'd said to the Recruiter that the one thing that would make me bolt from my job was them welching on my salary. 

And here they were welching. And what was I doing about it?

And what was keeping me from taking the Corporate gig all this time? Sensei had already greenlighted the work. They'd been there long enough to know their crew was solid.

Their PTO was only 4 weeks first year, but with 12 paid holidays, that was closer to decent.

I'd had the Corporate gig's VP on the phone and asked about flexible time - they'd said they support flexible schedules.

Why the Hell had I let that one go??

My current gig was noble work. Lord knows the Boss could use some help digging out of the mud - and I'd envisioned a long, hard slog that led ultimately to me helping land a collossus of a new system with the grace of a butterfly.

But nothing in the culture that I'd seen in seven months suggested this gig was anywhere near putting my skills to work. I would slog along in the basement and if any system did land - it would not be something I could point to at the end and say "See, I helped make that."

Years of underpaid slog that would appear on my resume as "treading water."

And the corporate gig was formal UX - with a dev team ready in the slips. They are making stuff for a national product. This would have been work you'd refer to on a resume - bank on it.

And you told them to go away.

Twice.

And there's nothing in my inbox.

*     *     *

Bong!

I'm outside the building, heading towards the coffee place across the street. My phone informs me I have an email from the Recruiter. It's about four hours old.

I'd had WiFi off by mistake - and cellular data in the basement just doesn't happen. Now that I'm back in the surface world my phone is again bathed in 4G.

I open the email - it's one line.

"Let's connect today, Okay?"

I mash the screen like a meth addict. "Sounds like a plan."

Still nothing for sure, but more than I'd had all day. They may just want to formally tell me to buzz off, but after this day, I'll take anything.

It's almost 1pm and I wait a whole three hours for my Boss to come by and say something about the status of my becoming an FTE. Or if they've spoken to the CFO. 

But nothing happens. I go outside and call the recruiter. They don't answer and I leave a message on their mobile.

I go back down in the basement and finish my shift. No word, not even an email about my salary situation - from anyone.

5pm comes and goes, I'm checking in with E to see if she'd be okay with the corporate gig. Of course, that's a terribly loaded question - and E is of course awesome. She's good with whatever I think is the right move.

And - more than any other thing I know at that moment - I know I cannot let this Corporate gig get away from me. I need to have this. 

The Recruiter calls me back just as the family is piling into the car to go get our flu shots. 

Recruiter is cordial. "Good to hear back from you."

I try to be calm and direct. "Do you still need an Interaction Designer?"

Recruiter laughs. "Does this mean you're taking the job?"

I'm seeing flashbacks of Juno's note on the wall. If you're still in...

"I am if you still need one."

Recruiter laughs again. "You know we do! The UX director will be so excited to hear this!"

The kids are pounding on things and I'm supposedly backing out of the driveway when all this is happening - but honestly - it's all a blur.

I got it. Days after selling my professional future down the river - I finally realized what I was doing. I was taking the safe, in-hand thing because it was less immediate risk. 

And I remembered CorpWorld, but good.

But not all of them are the same - and regardless, you should never march backward on pay - not while you have a choice. I was letting my foot off the gas because I didn't want to offend my Boss. 

But I remember how totally jazzed I was after meeting the Corporate gig folks. I felt strong, competent, useful. 

And contrasting that with how I've felt at my current job - there was no choice to make.

I'm going Corporate again. This time, as a FTE.

And I'm good with it. 

Happy even.

Funny thing? If I'd have been made an FTE at the Nonprofit on the original three month schedule?

I'd have never even taken that Recruiter's call.

You just never know.