One of the symptoms of not being in your right mind is not knowing it. Yesterday I made the decision that there was nothing more to do - the news has been spread far and wide, and Mom's got her flight reservations out of Mobile. Nothing to do but wait, and I rationalize that going to work is a good way to keep my mind off things.
When you're being stupid, you usually are the last to know.
I've got a number of things to put in line before I go, and it's for damn sure I won't be at work the rest of the week. I already called U in Chicago to back out of being in his wedding on Saturday. He was a stand up guy, I'm in mid-apology and he cuts me off with "Don't worry about it, and don't waste any time talking to me, do what you gotta do, man."
I should have known I was being stupid when I emailed the news to my friends - somehow that just seemed... classless. G called me first thing on Monday, to see how I was - of all my out of town friends, he was the first to ask how they were doing after Katrina hit.
'course I told him they were doing great - so he was where the rest of us were. Stunned out of our reassurance.
To the office, then. I figure there are people who have to know, and so I tell my supervisors and ask them to keep it quiet. I'm quite sure that I don't want people coming up to me all day, and anyway - if I'm going away, I'll need to get some things done.
This seems like a good plan, until the day wears on. I check with HR to make sure of the leave policy for funerals. Which naturally provokes the innocent question, "Who died?" and I ambush our poor HR manager who just stares at me until she realizes I'm not kidding.
I spend most of the day being angry at people for not asking, and being angry at myself for not telling them. D asked me how my folks were doing, "Everything still okay?"
Rather than lie, I told her the truth, and asked her to keep it quiet before trying to go back to work. I must have looked like a crazy person to her. A bad choice was becoming a really bad choice. I'd neglected to notify the people who would have to cover for me, so I opted to do that in the group meeting, dropping my story into their laps - as they all looked back waiting for the punchline.
I kept it together, but it just added to my sense that the day was unraveling. I posted what happened on the intranet just before I went out the door.
Mission accomplished, I was spared the succession of well-wishers for one more day. Tomorrow my co-workers will be getting the news when I'm headed to Milwaukee to pick up mom.
Like that makes sense.
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