Wired, Part II

So to recap – I'd ordered DSL from AT&T, was told it would be setup in two days, and then rushed (with loads of help) to wire the house so I wouldn't be paying for broadband I couldn't use.

Having set everything up – I found that DSL didn't work because… AT&T never completed my order.

This would be the same order that I spent 50 minutes on the phone to set up.

I found this out at half past 10 on Sunday night. The tech support guy told me my order wasn't done.

I naturally asked when the hell it would be done.

In a normal world, the rep could tell me – but this was AT&T we're talking about.

"I don't have that information. You'll need to call Provisioning."

This is the first time I'd ever heard of that department. Can't you just transfer me?

"No, they're closed right now, they'll open at 8am tomorrow morning."

I foolishly appealed to his common sense: Can't you just send them a message telling them to send me an email with the ETA of my service?

"No, I'm sorry. You'll need to call them."

---

Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine when it comes to phone service. Why do I need to be part of the solution?

AT&T knows all the essential information.

• They know my order was supposed to be completed on Feb 27 - and wasn't
• They know approximately when my order will be filled.
• They know how to contact me.

Setting aside that they could have informed me my order was late before I had to find out the hard way – they have the means to get me a new delivery date without my help.

But no, I have to call in.

---

The next day, I do:

From my wireless bill:

MON 03/03/2008 8:53AM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

This call is one minute long. Why, because it consists of the following. Listen to phone menu, "check order status" is option 5.

I press 5.

After a brief pause, I hear the following:

We apologize for any inconvenience, but our office is experiencing unusually high call volumes and cannot answer your call at this time. Our lowest call volume is between the hours of 10-11am and 1-3pm, Central Standard Time Please hang up and try your call again.

[Click]

[Dial tone]

I'm like... Well, what do you think I'm like? They fricking hung up on me!

I try again:

MON 03/03/2008 8:54AM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

Same thing.

I'm stupid. I try again, and pick a different phone tree option to get a person:

MON 03/03/2008 8:55AM 866-776-8038 10 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

I wait on hold for ten minutes, get a person, explain what I need - and they say "I don't know when your order will be processed. I'll transfer you to Provisioning."

No! Don't-

We apologize for any inconvenience, but our office is...

[Click]

[Dial tone]

Some people would learn from this experience. Adjust their behavior.

Not me.

MON 03/03/2008 1:10PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

MON 03/03/2008 1:10PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

MON 03/03/2008 1:11PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

MON 03/03/2008 1:12PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

MON 03/03/2008 1:21PM 800-288-2020 1 min
(AT&T Residential Service)

MON 03/03/2008 1:22PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

MON 03/03/2008 1:26PM 866-776-8038 1 min
(AT&T BroadBand Customer Care)

All of these calls - all end with the same recording and [Click] [Dial tone]. All of them occur in the recommended time frame for lower call volume.

---

MON 03/03/2008 1:35PM 800-288-2020 40 min AT&T Residential Service

This next call is me finally getting a hold of some operator. I'm driving back into work after some errand, and just rolled the dice. Since I'm in the car, naturally I get through.

I explain how utterly pissed off I am and ask them to see if there is a way to reach Provisioning without getting hung up on.

I get transferred to some heavy breather who acts like my call is inconveniencing him in some way.

"Well.....*inhale* It looks like they fouled up the *exhale* cancel orders at your old address."

My old address still has Internet? I spent almost an hour canceling that service!

"Oh, don't worry *inhale* you won't get a *exhale* bill. I'll just punch this in..."

I spent at least five minutes listening to this man breathe and type. I kept asking Are you there? Do you need me for anything?

"Just a few minutes, got to *wheeze* get this done."

Can you tell me my order status?

"You need to talk to Pr-"

They're not answering their phones.

I swear I can actually hear him smile over the phone. "Yeah, *gasp* they've been kinda *exhale* behind lately..."

Any chance you can get me through to them?

"I can try. "

I actually get put in the queue. On hold waiting for the elusive Provisioning department. I'd forgotten myself sitting in a parking lot by the mall so I start up the engine and head back. I've figured out that speakerphone mode is made for this kind of crap, so I don't care that it's been fifteen minutes. I just sort of zone out to the crappy hold music.

At some point, I realize my car is about to go down a hill that is a cellular dead spot.

Sh!t.

[Doo-Doo-Doot!]

[Call End]

[Dial tone]

Sh!t, Sh!t, Sh!t!

Back at the office, I'm seething, but there's nothing to do until -

I try again:

MON 03/03/2008 2:42PM 877-722-3755 14 min
(AT&T Internet Services Support Center)

The only thing I remember about this call is that it did not help.

---

Next, I tried to check my order status online. I will shorthand that experience to these three items:

• I have a username and password for my AT&T Yahoo DSL account.
• I have a username and password for my AT&T wireless account.
• These were set up at different times, and I couldn't remember either of them.

I spent an interminable amount of time retrieving my username, (guessing which email address I created them with) navigating through the Byzantine password reset forms ("Former SBC customers - click here") before ultimately realizing the essential fact I'd missed:

Neither of these accounts can help me.

I needed to go and create an account on att.com. A Residential AT&T account. Great.

*Deep breath*

What do I need to create an Residential AT&T account?

1) A phone number. Check.

2) An Online Registration Code. What the #$*@! is an Online Registration Code?

Luckily, there's a link "Request Online Registration Code"
A form appears with three required fields. First Name, Last Name and Billing ZIP Code.

Huzzah! I know these!

I type them in. A fourth required field appears:

Last 7 digits of your customer ID from page 1 of your AT&T residential phone bill:

I just set up service last week. I don't have a bill. I could view it online, but I'd have to create an account first!!!

I hit the back button and see a link that directs former customers of [my former phone company] to create an AT&T Account Manager account.

Deep. Breath.

What do I need to create an account with AT&T Account Manager?

It's a wizard:

Registration Step 1: Enter your main phone number and registration code.

I enter my phone number and click 'Request online registration code'

I get a page that [no sh!t] says:

Request Online Registration Code

Enter phone number

I just did that, but I do it again. The form then asks me to enter my phone number again. I do.

Verify that you are the Account holder

Option 1

Enter the three digit customer code which can be found on the top corner of your bill.

Meh.

Option 2
Last 4 digits of SSN

I enter my SSN digits, get prompted for my billing address ZIP Code and click continue.

The new screen says:

Delivery Method:

How would you like to receive your online registration code?

Phone call: [my phone number]
Your online registration code will be sent within approximately 10 minutes.

[Alert!]
By selecting this option you agree to receive a phone call for your online registration code within approximately 10 minutes. If this is not a convenient time, please select a different delivery method or wait to submit your request.

If you are using a dial-up connection, you will need to disconnect if it is the same number as your Primary Account.

US Mail: Sent to billing address on record
Please allow normal delivery time for U.S. Mail.

---
Let's take a step back at this point. Examine the idiocy of this interface.

I'm a new customer trying to find out when my Internet service will start. My Internet service hasn't started at my house. In other words, to access their website and set up an account - I have to leave my house.

Having left my house to set up an account - I am asked for billing numbers I do not yet have, but -not to worry - they'll call my house and to give me a registration number!

Leave your house to use our website, then go home to get the reg code, then leave your house again to use the code we just gave you.

Idiots!

(Or they could mail it - Hah! Double HAH!)

I ask them to send the code to my house and I hope my answering machine is working.

The day is shot. I've accomplished nothing.

I go home and try again.

03/03/2008 4:39PM 866-583-2494 39 min
(AT&T Account Specialist/Advanced DSL customer support)

For this call, I explain how impossible it has been to reach the one department that knows when my order will be done. The rep is like "Gosh, I dunno. Hold time for Provisioning has been about twenty minutes."

Is there anyone else in the company who can give my my order status?

"Nope."

I'll wait.

"Okay, I'll put you on hold and keep trying to get into the queue - once I get in, I'll transfer you over and it'll be about 20 minutes."

Wrong, it took thirty-five.

The other four minutes were me talking to a nice lady in Provisioning who took my info, apologized for the delay and told me my order was scheduled to be completed on Friday, March 7.

Mission accomplished. Yes, an ETA that's a week and a half late is pretty lousy - but at least I know when my Internet will arrive. All that time was not in vain. Something got done.

As I'm pulling into my driveway - it occurs to me that I didn't get a confirmation number, or the ID of the nice lady who told me this. I also didn't ask when on Friday I should expect the service. By noon? By midnight?

My feeling of accomplishment begins to erode. I begin to worry.

Of course, I needn't have bothered worrying. The nice lady was wrong - AT&T didn't install my Internet on Friday at all.

Part III