I run screaming

Okay, so the iPhone rate plans are out:


That's a family plan for two lines.

Um, well - the hard drive is still small.

And that touch thing might not work.

So there.

Maestro

Not long before he died, Kurt Vonnegut appeared on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and rattled off a list of helpful advice to new democracies like Iraq, gleaned from American history:

After the first 100 years, you have to let your slaves free.
After the first 130 years, you have to let your women vote.
In the beginning, if there is a whole lot of unrest and killing, well, that's pretty much okay.

To which, the never-at-a-loss Steward replied, "It's sad to see how you've lost your edge."

Which got even Vonnegut to laugh. Even in his eighties, Vonnegut could still bring it.
---

Well, I've always been a fan of Tom Lehrer - partly for his clever wordplay ("then the guy who's got religion'll/ tell you if your sin's original"), but mainly for his go-for-the-throat social commentary ("Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.").

Lehrer released few songs, and stopped performing and recording before I was born, so I'd pretty much written him out of the modern world. I still listen to him and get a laugh now and then, but I was pretty sure he was gone.

But, of course - the internet exists to satisfy the curiosity of people like me, so when I think "I wonder if..."
-I find out that Mr. Lehrer performed in England as recently as 1998, and he's even kept his edge, as evidenced by this modern gem:

'I'm not tempted to write a song about George W.Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them."

Ah, Maestro. How I've missed you.

Scary good UI

I'm susceptible to good marketing - and Apple has clearly spared no expense in the "make it look cool" department, but damn. The iPhone sure has all the appearances of having some insanely good UI.

It remains to be seen if a touch screen can be made to function like a manual keypad, but the rest of the touch screen features look pretty impressive.

I know, it's just a demo.

But watch the latest demo, and then hold onto your wallet.
Small res Medium res High res

I'm supposedly trying to make user interface better where I work - but the complexity of making a machine behave in ways that seem natural to people is an uphill undertaking. Machines are logical, and people aren't. Or rather, machines demand precision and people often change their perspective of a task mid-stream. Machines are pretty lousy at this, and making software respond to our naturally fluid tendencies is an exercises in torturing your development team.

I am confident that the iPhone will disappoint many - it's flaws will be exposed over the next year and criticisms will go viral in the next month. I'm still mystified how they can be a week out from selling the product in stores (along with a two year contract) and the terms of that contract are still unknown. But even if half of what you see in the demo works as advertised - Cell phones as you know them are going away.

UI 2.0 folks. Drink it in.

Podcast vs. reality

I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore. I probably could count on one hand the occasions when I heard a full song off the radio in the last year. Outside of NPR in the morning, the radio has pretty much become an iPod accessory. Road trip audio is Pod audio. If we were invaded by Visigoths during a road trip, I wouldn't find about it until the trip was over.

I've found that the Pod is kind of like cruise control. You get a good podcast going and you don't want to stop. I've driven to lunch hour errands without ever taking out the ear buds.

The iPod also provides immunity to worldly delays. There's a five minute delay for a table? K. More time to listen to Bill Moyers or Wait, Wait…

When I need realworld sound, it's just easier to tap off the audio and leave the ear buds in.

This is a bit strange, because people will assume you can't hear them when the iPod is off. Or they'll talk to you when you're way into something on the Pod.

This can annoy both parties to the conversation rapidly.

This local sandwich shop I go to pretty much maximizes this phenomenon.

It's usually busy, and even if it isn't - their sandwiches usually take awhile to make.

Knowing the drill, I'll be well into my podcast by the time I get to place my order. Today, I'm listing to D-Day veterans recount stories of wartime terror and loss.

It's pretty gripping stuff. This one veteran's family is relating the story of how they found out their dad was a Medal of Honor winner - thirty years after he won it. The man's daughter was clearly deeply affected as she said how her dad "never talked about it. It just wasn't important to him. His family was what mattered to him."

Deep stuff.

How you doin' today?

I look up, and teen-behind-the-counter is asking me how I'm doing. Not because they are interested, but because this chain's marketing types have decided that the best way to deal with the delay in preparing my food is mindless banter.

Got big plans for the weekend?

Back in the Pod, another vet is describing the horror of a mortar fragment slicing into his foot and how the injury kept him from learning that his best friend had been killed.

I stop the pod, and say, "Fine, no big plans." Basically do my best to vibe this guy that - I'm just here for the sandwich, we don't need to be friends. Pod back on.

This does not take, and next he is describing an "outfit" he's considering wearing, and he would like my opinion.

The vet is describing arguing with the medics about how they shouldn't cut his foot off.

It's a black tuxedo jacket, with a black shirt and a bright yellow tie, and…

Back in the pod, sutures rupture repeatedly, and the medic is angrily telling the vet that he will have a massive scar.

I say something offhand and mentally command this person to Go. The Hell. Away.

How you doin’ today?

Teen-boy is on to the next person in line, who is about as happy with the banter as I am.

The shop also has some earnest youngster performing live music at an intrusive volume.

I dial up the volume and sit somewhere far enough away to lose realworld audio.

I watch the youngster, head bowed, climbing their way up their guitar, eyes closed. The summit reached, their head snaps up, mouth to the mike and-

- Somewhere in the Pod, the vet gets to keep their foot.

So, which model of development do you follow?

Speaking as a member of an RUP-shop, it's nice to see there are some real-world alternatives waiting in the wings:

New Systems of Management

iPhone mania

Okay, I'll admit it. I want an iPhone. I don't believe I will actually get one - but it's sure fun to think about it.

The hype is definitely pushing all the right "gimme buttons."

If you've seen the keynote address, you know what I'm talking about.

Oh, sure the pushback has started in earnest now - people claiming that the battery life for high use could be as low as 45 minutes. Mutterings about the screen being hard to use, the glass just got replaced because it scratched easily.

My personal favorite is that people are planning to camp out to buy this thing and AT&T hasn't even told people what the service plans will cost.

I'll freely admit I'm an impulse buyer - but you wouldn't catch me lining up to buy something if I didn't know what it cost.

USA today has an article about the hype (that is yet more hype) that contains a great quote from an iPhone enthusiast's girlfriend:

"For the past four weeks, I've heard nothing but iPhone talk from David, his friends, my brother and, basically, any male between the ages of 13 and 40 within earshot. It's insane. I'd pay 500 bucks and sleep outside in line to just shut these guys up."

Ha!

American hero

In the national disgrace of Abu Ghraib, you’d be hard pressed to name a list of good guys.

The best I can do is two. Although there is a third who needs to be mentioned.

Sgt. Joseph Darby – the MP who first reported the abuses to his superiors. Without him, there would have been no investigation.

Maj. Gen. Antonio Taguba – The investigating general who compiled a scathing and irrefutable report detailing the extent of the abuses at Abu Ghraib. A less aggressive investigator would have swept this under the rug. Taguba’s fearless assessment spoke truth to power.

Of course, as Seymour Hersh’s recent article details – power did not want to hear the truth.

In the meeting, the officials professed ignorance about Abu Ghraib. “Could you tell us what happened?” Wolfowitz asked. Someone else asked, “Is it abuse or torture?” At that point, Taguba recalled, “I described a naked detainee lying on the wet floor, handcuffed, with an interrogator shoving things up his rectum, and said, ‘That’s not abuse. That’s torture.’ There was quiet.”

Read the full story
 
Gen. Taguba was denied the free rein that could have turned speculation about the scandal’s scope into certainty. Still, his report is an example of what an honest man should do when confronted with barbarism. Hersh’s article gives us the full picture of what happened to Gen. Taguba after he did the right thing.

In January of 2006, Taguba received a telephone call from General Richard Cody, the Army’s Vice-Chief of Staff. “This is your Vice,” he told Taguba. “I need you to retire by January of 2007.” No pleasantries were exchanged, although the two generals had known each other for years, and, Taguba said, “He offered no reason.”

No good deed goes unpunished.
---
The last hero of this mess I cannot name, because they are unknown. Whoever leaked the Taguba report to the press.

No leak means you and I never hear about Sgt. Darby or Gen. Taguba. These men are brave men, and their careers suffered because they did the right thing.

But their injuries are professional, and they are still free men.

Whoever leaked that report did something illegal. They did the right thing, but if they are discovered - they will go to jail.

That takes some guts. It's not quite the same as going into your C.O.'s office and blowing the whistle, or telling a truth that will end your career, but it's worth noting.

“What I meant to say was…” Vol. I

So, yesterday, I'm at the tail end of one of those days. Kids in the car, we're downtown to pick up E. In the normal run of things, this is no big deal. Pull up to an empty slot, call her cell. Done.

Lately, there is construction, so the street is now twice as congested, and slots are not easy to get. I drive past full slots until the end of the block, where there is an opening. The open slot is technically a bus stop, so no luck there. I stay just off the curb, stop, and wait for the light.

Green, and I go, except I stop short. The rightmost lane of this street is so wide, there are cars on my left that are even with me. They’ve assumed that I’m a parked car (behind me is a parking lane) and they turn right across the front of me.

I’m miffed, but this part of downtown has four of these corners, and this happens all the time. I let the first car go without a honk, and muscle in front of the second one to assert my rights.

No harm, no foul. This kind of crap used to get me all riled, but these days I chalk it up to it just being a crappy intersection. Given the layout, and human tendencies, this is going to happen over and over because (and I say this over and over again) there’s a never ending supply of people who haven’t learned about this intersection yet)

‘course, now I need to go around the block again to get E.

I do the lap and this time there’s a spot to pull over early in the block. She’s in and I drive down towards the same corner. There’s a bus at the bus stop, so I’m in the left side of the right line, waiting for the light.

It goes green, and I go, and immediately I see the bus to my right (exactly where I was stopped on my last lap) starts moving. I’m of the belief that stopping in front of a moving bus makes things worse, so I press on and get an earful of the bus’s horn.

I’ve just done what those two cars did to me a few minutes ago. Again, It’s a stupid intersection. I’ve just had this happen to me, and normal driving tendencies still steer me into doing the same thing less than five minutes later.

I’ll spell it out again: Having gone past a line of parked cars, I came even with a bus stopped in front of a bus stop. I’m thinking they are stopped, so I go past them on their left and stop about a car length ahead of them. We’re in the same lane, but it’s really two lanes wide, and each of us can claim to be positioned for a right turn. Easy mistake of fact, but again – this happens all the time and given the cramped quarters, this will never happen at speeds that will cause accidents.

Only the bus driver doesn’t see it this way – when I stop for the light at the end of the new block, she pulls her bus up next to us and motions to E to roll down her window.

She wants to tell us off.

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“Yes”

“Can you read signs?”

“Yes”

And so on. It has always been my experience that in these moments, the impulse to speak occurs LONG before any meaningful words arrive in the brain.

I start an apology, but she’s off to the races “What you just did was illegal… blah, blah, blah…”

She in mid-screed when my light turns green and I cut it short and take my left. I’m sure most people have had the experience of a situation that ends before you get to say your peace. There is no winning the situation, I was in the wrong, after all. But bus driver has unloaded a verbal barrage aimed at the person she assumes I am, and all I get to do is take it and then drive off.

So, given the impossible scenario of me getting to respond in kind to this person, I would say the following:

Yes. I admit it. I cut you off.

I was going to say that seeing your bus stopped in front of a bus stop without a signal led me to believe you weren’t turning right. That might be one possible explanation, or I could point that our shared lane is wide enough for three cars to sit side by side, making it easy for two vehicles to think they can turn right – Indeed, this very thing happened to me in this very spot not five minutes ago – But, let’s cut the crap, shall we? No, this was a deliberate attempt to put my van and my family in front of a moving bus. That’s what I was after. And not just any bus – your bus. I’ve been trying to cut you off for years and what just happened is the culmination of my life’s ambitions.

There is, of course, another possibility. That I screwed up and knew I screwed up. That despite whatever situational factors played into all this – I honestly feel bad about what happened. Perhaps, given the opportunity to speak to you rationally, I would honestly say “sorry about that,” and we would carry on with our days as better people.

But I don’t get to do that, do I? Instead, all I get is an earful of your pent-up bullshit.

What are you looking to happen here? We’re gonna talk this out while you and I block both lanes of this road? I mean - what the hell, lady?

Rrrgh!

I think I'm in love...

So, the clutter level in the house has reached insane-newspaper-collector level. We've been importing E's folks things for some time now and we now have exactly one roomful of crap more than we have rooms.

We need to clean out the crap so we can do work on the house, so we can sell the house, so we can start looking for a house.

And, lo! A light in the heavens, cherubim and seraphim descending!

Salvation is nigh!

They'll show up, pick up, and haul off, and all I have to do is write them a check!

Pinch me, pinch me!!

Plain sight exception

Am I the only one who isn't creeped out by Google Street level view?

I probably don't have enough imagination - but the idea that Google now has street-level stills for select metropolitan areas doesn't really bother me all that much. There's the guy who's worried that the photo and timestamp will be definitive proof that he ditched work one afternoon, or dumber things - but I'm just not getting this.

The stills were taken in public places, they weren't peeking into windows, and anyone who is cutting work is taking the risk that they will be spotted when they are out in plain sight. Sure, Google's making it easier, but it's not like they are listing your name next to the photo and are making the results searchable. I suppose if the photos were updated regularly, it would make remote surveillance easier - but I don't think that's in the cards.

So a guy's on a street corner and is (let's say) photographed taking a whiz on a building. Somebody who knows him sees the photo on Google. Does this man have a gripe? He could have been spotted by anyone when he did it, so the fact that he happened to be photographed by somebody who posted it on an immensely popular website doesn't really change things.

Am I off my tree?

Required listening

Becoming an iPod person has turned me into a podcast junkie. (I'm so with you, Ms. No-H!)

My main addiction has been This American Life which has perhaps the best story hooks in the world.

Like this one:

"I've got involved with this very canny group of investors, and it seems that they have located this snowman that can bench press four hundred pounds."
-The Super 1/8/2007

or this-

"My compactor room, a woman could give birth - no infection would set in. Come, I will show you..."
-The Super 1/8/2007

or this-

"I told you guys we shouldn't try to make this into a story and now look, I'm a lesbian in Japan"
-My Reputation 4/16/2007

All of these are marvelous episodes, but the one I keep going back to is more than a bit of a downer- but a totally worthwhile experience.

Habeus Schmabeus - it's about Gitmo and what it really is, as opposed to what we've been told.

It was originally done in last year, but was updated in April. I've been listening to it over and over again and I still can't stop listening to it.

There's also a transcript and a free MP3.

Here's the hook:
(Hitt is the interviewer, Jack Hitt; Amzy is Baher Amzy, a lawyer representing a detainee named Murat Kurnaz)

HITT: And as for confronting the evidence, consider the case of Azmy’s client, Murat Kurnaz, a Turkish citizen raised in Germany. The Pentagon accidentally declassified the file with all the secret evidence against him. And here’s what’s in it: nothing.

AZMY: The classified file contains – the Washington Post wrote about it – six statements from military intelligence. That’s really what the classified file is. Memos saying “this person was here” or “so-and-so witnessed him…” In Kurnaz’s case, there are five or six statements saying, “There’s no evidence of any connection to Al Qaeda, the Taliban or a threat to the United States. The Germans have concluded he has got no connection to Al Qaeda. There’s no evidence linking him to the Taliban.” Over and over and over again.

HITT: But here’s the thing: At the hearing, nobody talks about any of that. His personal representative doesn’t bring it up. The tribunal doesn’t consider it. And Kurnaz himself doesn’t even know about it. He’s declared an enemy combatant; he’s still at Guantanamo today.

But wait. There’s more. The reason they give for holding him? A friend of his named Selcuk Bilgin blew himself up as a suicide bomber in Turkey in 2003. That’s 2 years after Kurnaz got picked up.

AZMY: So, setting aside the sort of remarkable legal proposition that one could be detained indefinitely for what one’s friend does, it’s actually preposterous in that a simple Google search or a call to the Germans would have revealed that his friend is alive and well, and under no suspicion of any such thing.

HITT: You heard that right. Kurnaz is in Guantanamo because two year after he got picked up, a guy he knows became a suicide bomber. Except that he didn’t become a suicide bomber and is currently living in Germany.

AZMY: Yeah, he’s walking around in Germany; I’ve met him.

Mind blowing. Simply mind blowing.

Xanadu

What can you get for $592 million US?

Why, you can get a diplomatic compound in an up and coming neighborhood in Baghdad. Witness the splendor of the new US embassy:

Take a look, for instance, at the embassy's "pool house", as imagined by [the design/build firm]. You will see palm trees dotted around it, the expansive lawns, and those tennis courts discreetly in the background. For an American official not likely to leave the constricted, heavily fortified, 6.4-kilometer-square Green Zone during a year's tour of duty, practicing his or her serve (on the taxpayer's dollar) is undoubtedly no small thing.

Admittedly, it may be hard to take that refreshing dip or catch a few sets of tennis in Baghdad's heat if the present order for all US personnel in the Green Zone to wear flak jackets and helmets at all times remains in effect - or if, as in the present palace/embassy, the pool (as well as ping-pong tables) is declared, thanks to increasing mortar and missile attacks, temporarily "off limits". In that case, more time will probably be spent in the massive, largely windowless-looking recreation center, one of more than 20 blast-resistant buildings [the design/build firm] has planned.

You would actually be able to view this palace, if the website hadn't been taken down. The Washington Post is reporting that:

"virtually every bite and sip consumed [in the embassy] is imported from the United States, entering Iraq via Kuwait in huge truck convoys that bring fresh and processed food, including a full range of Baskin-Robbins ice-cream flavors, every seven to 10 days".

Annual operating expenses are expected to run in the range of $1.2 billion. The State department, according to the Asia Times, is lobbying Congress to fund $50 million worth of additional "blast-resistant" housing.

And they say progress isn't being made....

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

File this under one of the strangest things I've read in awhile:

Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'

As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."

The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure the government gets all kind of crazy proposals - so it should be pointed out that they rejected this proposal. But still, this idea came out of an Air Force lab in Ohio, so it's not like some mad scientist sent them his idea from crazyland - this was an internal suggestion.

Right up there with that ESP project. Gives you real faith in the guys steering the ship.

No confidence

It's hard to figure out who to be more irritated at in the latest Senatorial showdown: the Dems for going to the mat on a no-confidence vote that does not (and cannot) have any teeth, or the Republicans for circling the wagons to prevent a vote even though many have admitted that they, in fact, do not have confidence in the Attorney General.

I've been disappointed with Sen. Specter over the past six years - for all his posturing, he always managed to vote the presidential line - so I'll give him props for voting for the resolution and spelling it out in honest terms. He doesn't have confidence in the A.G., so he's saying so.

Fair enough. Although, I'm suspicious enough to think that Sen. Specter may have counted the votes ahead of time and felt liberated enough to pose as his own man again.

In any event, it's pretty damn unimpressive all around. Once again we have all this puffing from the Dems about what a big deal this would be - and they had to know that without nine Republicans crossing the aisle, this was going nowhere. You'd figure they'd have learned already that there's no point in raising expectations if you're just going to lower them again.

Too late to blink

The Bush administration's disastrous policy towards persons it refers to as detainees appears to be (at long last) coming home to roost.

I'd thought this would have happened earlier with the Padilla case. Padilla, you'll remember was the U.S. citizen imprisoned without having been convicted, tried, or even charged. The Padilla case was a perfect vehicle to deliver a final rebuke of the detainee policy, but (right before a filing deadline) the government blinked and gave Padilla a trial.

Well, as it happens, there was another detainee whose appeal has been winding its way up the ladder - a legal alien seized on U.S. soil and held for four years. His name is Ali al-Marri, and while his case isn't quite the same as Padilla's, his case came to the 4th U.S. Circuit and he won.

al-Marri's ultimate guilt or innocence I'd leave up to whatever judical body will get to make that ruling, but the principle the court stuck to (and one I heartily applaud) is that of Habeus Corpus. The Executive can lock you up, but there will be a day of reckoning for their decision - and they will have to prove that what they have done is justfied.

The Bush administration has been saying otherwise - that the Authorization for the Use of Force gave them sweeping new powers to detain people without trial.

Bupkis, says the court. He gets a trial.

This does not mean that al-Marri must be set free. Like others accused of terrorist activity in this country, from the Oklahoma City bombers to the surviving conspirator of the September 11th attacks, al-Marri can be returned to civilian prosecutors, tried on criminal charges, and, if convicted, punished severely. But the Government cannot subject al-Marri to indefinite military detention. For in the United States, the military cannot seize and imprison civilians -- let alone imprison them indefinitely.

There's also a nice bit of judical snark (emphasis added):

Furthermore, the Government’s treatment of al-Marri suggests that, despite its litigation posture, it does not actually believe that the [Combatant Status Review Tribunal] process in the [Detainee Treatment Act] and [Military Commissions Act] applies to al-Marri. In the four years since the President ordered al-Marri detained as an enemy combatant, the Government has completed CSRTs for each of the more than five hundred detainees held at Guantanamo Bay. Yet it was not until November 13, 2006, the very day the Government filed its motion to dismiss the case at hand, that the Government even suggested that al-Marri might be given a CSRT. At that time the Government proffered a memorandum from Deputy Secretary of Defense Gordon England directing that al-Marri be provided a CSRT "upon dismissal" of this case. This memorandum is too little too late.

Ooo-rah. Now here's hoping the Supremes back this ruling up with some gusto.

Bunnies are vermin

I come from a family of belligerents - at least where animals are concerned. If you are a member of the animal kingdom and you make a pest of yourself, you'd be well advised to leave most of my relatives alone. PETA be damned, you're going down.

I can recall my great uncle (back when E and I were still dating) relating his cat killing sprees with pride. Mind you, this was the first time he met E, and it occurred in the first few minutes of the conversation.

As in Hi, this is E, we just got here, we -
"Great! How do you do? Did I ever tell you how many cats I shot in my youth?"

I've been at holiday dinners where my uncles gleefully relating their best "and-I-had-to-shoot-it-five-times-in-the-head-before-it-stopped-squirming" stories to their brother's new vegetarian/animal rights girlfriend.

My own father used my air rifle to shoot dogs who crapped in his yard.

Not the squeamish types, I guess is what I'm driving at.

-but then there's me. I have gone deer hunting a total of two times. I have no qualms with the killing of animals, or those who choose to do so - my chief objection with hunting is why does it have to occur when it is so F-ing cold outside? I mean, there aren't dear in June? What the hell, people?

That, and one other reason. The reason I stopped going. NG, The guy who invited us up to hunt was a great guy - he and his brother owned the land and the shack we hunted out of. They cooked the food and basically went out of their way to make sure the guys were having a good time. They went all out. First time I ever ate surf n' turf? Deer camp.

Second time out, I'm walking around a bend and hear a shot (okay, I don't remember the shot, but there must have been a shot). I trot down the trail a bit and here's NG, our fearless leader, getting out his kit standing over a dead deer.

NG is plunging his knife into the deer's neck and beginning the process of gutting it. It was nasty, I don't mind saying - but I had decided to take the attitude that this is just something you deal with for the hunt. Y'know, suck it up - that kind of stuff. I certainly don't want to look like a wuss in front of the veterans. I'm not sure I pulled it off, but forget about the deer - that's not why I stopped hunting.

I stopped because of NG. What he looked like at that moment. This is a man who has hunted for years, owns land for the express purpose of hunting. Spends weeks preparing for the hunt and (as I said) goes to great lengths to ensure that his hunting party has a good time.

-He looked completely disgusted. I can't speak for his actual state of mind, but his expression was one of complete revulsion for what he was doing. He was gutting a deer and he hated it. Downing a deer was the whole reason we were out here. This guy had more than a few deers in his history, and yet here he was, deer in hand and he looked like he wished to be anywhere else in the world.

That was it for me - the hunts were a good time, but I figured working my way up to the point where I could gut a deer while discussing the weather was going to take at least as long as it had taken NG to get this far. That much investment didn't appeal to me, and besides it was too F-ing cold.

Where was I? Oh, so my house has an infestation of rabbits, and I hate them. It's not like I have a garden to protect, but they are always scampering about, just on the edge of my sight lines. I just want to drop kick one of them so they'll move on.

Bunnies? How could you?

Yeah, bunnies - bunnies are vermin. So are squirrels. Damn things.

On more than a few occasions I have thought about asking mom for my air rifle back so I can nail a few of the damn things, but mom likes having the air rifle - and I'm not making an issue of it.

So, yesterday I'm mowing the lawn after about a month-long hiatus. The grass is easily a foot high in the backyard and while my Honda mower is a beast, even it has problems with that much grass. Periodically, it kills and I have to start it all over again (first pull! Go, Honda!).

About a fourth of the way through the back, the Honda chokes out on a big clump and I roll it back to a clear spot and start to pull cord.

-and I hear a ring tone go off. At least that's what I think it is - a high pitched chirping from my left. Only I don't have my phone and there's no way there's a cell phone in my lawn. I roll the mower back further and there's some small, furry thing writhing on the ground. It opens its mouth and chirps again.

It's about the size of a mouse, but it's clearly a rabbit. A very young rabbit. It's rolling back and forth on its back, and there's a hole in the ground next to it that also appears to be moving.

I'm more than a bit surprised. A closer look reveals that, yes - it is a rabbit, and yes - it's just been hit by my lawnmower. Not in some ghastly, TV show way - no blood, just mortal injury. I watch it flail around, remembering the time I ran over a cat with my car (or last week, when I killed a squirrel who really shouldn't have doubled back). In both of those situations, the event was there and gone in less time than it takes to say it.

This time, I get to watch the animal die. Or finish it off.

If dad were here, he'd step on the animal's head and go get a garbage bag - actually, he'd have done that long ago. It wouldn't have taken more than a second.

Vermin.

Me, I sit there wondering what the right move should be, while this rabbit twitches and flops around. I look to see if there are any other casualties. The movement in the hole turns out to be five more little rabbits - all incredibly asleep and apparently uninjured. They squeal as I move them around with my foot.

Okay, now what? No mom rabbit around, and one of these guys is about to die.

I move them all out of the way, and finish mowing the lawn. My rationale is: there's no saving the one I hit, and the live ones have already been freaked out. I'll finish the lawn and mom will come back tonight.

Lame.

Yeah, it was pretty lame. Either way, that's pretty much a failure. Either you wipe them out right then, or you're on the phone with the animal shelter. I have to say that the idea that the animal shelter would have anything to do with rabbits (wild rabbits, at that) seems remote, but then - I have a long way to go to understand the lengths to which some animal lovers will go.

So it's the next day and I go out there. The one has died, three are dying and two I can't find. No mom in sight, but maybe mom came back and took the two she felt could make it. I'm not having the boy come out here and start playing with the fuzzy animals - so this is it for them.

They're vermin, right? I get a trash bag and a bucket. They go into my garbage. I still don't feel like killing them outright, and anyway - outside of violence - I don't have any easy way to do it.

So later in the day, I come home to see mom rabbit outside my garbage can. Her kids are long dead by now, but she's here to inform me that I have made a very poor decision. She runs off.

We grill out for dinner, and I find the two missing rabbits, still alive and huddled in the grass. Mom hasn't saved them, they haven't saved themselves - and this time tomorrow, they'll be two more dead rabbits in my backyard.

They're vermin, and they're doomed - and I still don't feel like killing them just to be done with it.

Wuss.

Judicial snark: a rare and exquisite vintage

We are used to seeing judges maintain an civility and professionalism, even when they are faced with people most of us would just smack up side the head.

Every once in awhile, they are provoked beyond their ability to restrain themselves. They dish out the snark, in their highbrow way. Its a beautiful thing.

My favorite has got to be Padilla v. Hanft, where Judge Floyd responds to the government's position in words that practically singe the paper. He spells out the government's assertion (namely, that Padilla being arrested in Chicago is equivalent to Mr Hamdan's being captured on the battlefield - and therefore the government can detain him as an enemy combatant) and then deliveres this beauty:

The cogency of this argument eludes the Court.

A recent addition to my top five would have to be the recent response of Judge Walton to the amicus brief filed by Robert Bork and Alan "I love torture" Dershowitz. Bork and Torture-boy (as well as a phalanx of high priced legal talent) are advising the court that they think that the appointment of Patrick Fitzgerald might not be constitutional, and perhaps the judge might throw the whole case out.

It would be very unusual for Judge Walton to refuse the amicus, so he graciously accepts it - in writing.

With a footnote that has so much sarcasm packed into it, it is positively radioactive (emphasis added):

It is an impressive show of public service when twelve prominent and distinguished current and former law professors of well-respected schools are able to amass their collective wisdom in the course of only several days to provide their legal expertise to the Court on behalf of a criminal defendant.

The Court trusts that this is a reflection of these eminent academics' willingness in the future to step to the plate and provide like assistance in cases involving any of the numerous litigants, both in this Court and throughout the courts of our nation, who lack the financial means to fully and properly articulate the merits of their legal positions even in instances where failure to do so could result in monetary penalties, incarceration, or worse.

The Court will certainly not hesitate to call for such assistance from these luminaries, as necessary in the interests of justice and equity, whenever similar questions arise in the cases that come before it.

Translation: "Thank you for playing. Don't let my foot hit you in the ass on the way out of my courtroom."

Drama Queens

Yesterday, the storm was topic number one in CorpWorld. People were worried about their houses, their cars, their commutes back home. The storm was supposed to hit around 5pm and a coworker of mine planned to put their car in the corporate ramp and wait until things blew over before going home.

Other people went home early. I was one of them, so was E - she dashed home and began clearing out our garage so we could put at least one of our cars in shelter. I picked up the kids at warp speed, expecting the worst to arrive at any moment. I'm telling the boy what hail is and explaining that there might be something called a tornado that would make us have to go into the basement.

We get home and hit the garage. Baby E goes in a chair and the Boy joins us in moving the boxes and soon we have one car in the garage and the minivan snug up against the house. Then I go out and check the window wells and downspouts, E's got the weather channel on and we're looking at tornado watches for the half the state.

I notice that there are spatter marks on the side of the house above the window wells. Not good. So up the ladder I go to check the rain gutters -

Memo to homeowners out there - gutter guards delay, but do not prevent your gutters from clogging up. If your house is half under a tree, you will have problems.

So, I get the guards off and start flinging out gobs of soggy plant matter. The flooded gutter empties itself out, and I move on to the next gutter. Same story. Mud, rotten plant bits, and water. I do the third side of the house by standing, both feet, on the top of the ladder and reaching up to the gutter.

Wind's picking up, but still no rain.

I get onto the roof for the last, unreachable stretch of gutter, and discover wasp nests, lots of them. Having sunk up to my elbows in muck, I at first dive in - but common sense reasserts itself and I just take off the guards and take out targets of opportunity. There's some grist still in there, but I'm over it.

Inside, wash up - still no rain.

Local weather is telling us to prepare for the end. National weather is ignoring us in favor of talking about what this weather will do to the east coast AFTER it finishes with our irrelevant butts.

Tuck the kids in and wait.

-and nothing.
No high winds, a scant sprinkle of raid and no hail of any kind.

Oh, some areas across the state got hit, but our neck of the woods was zilched. I'm not sure the weather coverage hyped this too much, but it was definitely a case of group anxiety feeding off itself. "X is going home early, I will, too!" that kind of crap.

We have a car in the garage and the gutters are clean, so I guess it was good motivation to get off my butt - but, rgh! I hate doing the headless chicken thing...

Perfect storm

There's a big storm a coming
Of this I've no doubt
That storm's gonna blow
your little world inside out
When the wild winds let up
When the violence wanes
You'll think of me then,
when you're watching it rain
It ain't the wind, it's the rain
-Mary Gauthier

This afternoon I got to have lunch with LB, a friend from my previous life in the nonprofit sector. They're just about to make the leap into CorpWorld, into what looks to be a superb opportunity, and this was a congratulatory/catch up kind of thing.

The weather is going to turn Biblically bad this afternoon, so it's good to get out and about before things go bad.

Lunch with LB is always a good time, they have a wicked sense of humor and a great sense of fun. We chat about things that drive us nuts, and grouse about work- it's therapeutic without being a pep talk.

The conversation tuned to a friend of theirs who'd lost their mother - and quite unexpectedly, I started talking about dad. This is not something I do often, and it would appear that it is not something I do often enough. Outside of this blog - and a wonderfully cathartic discussion with my wife a week ago - I doubt I've said more than a few sentences out loud on this topic for quite some time.

Well, the words just kept coming out, and soon I'm pretty well screwed up. It manages to be embarrassing and enormously comforting at the same time. LB mentions asking their friend how they were doing and they had been so grateful to be asked.

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I don't want to talk about it, but paradoxically it is is so nice to be given the opportunity to do so.

I'm back in the office now, and the weather sites are predicting two-inch hail and tornadoes. The tree outside the window is whipping around like a palm in a typhoon. It's going to be a bad night for a lot of people. We're not used to this around here, weather that's a big deal is for other places. Just a confluence of events turned our usual weather into something called a Derecho.

Nature's getting something out of its system.

Lot of that goin' around, I guess.

Comey, round two

Talking Points Memo has posted additional testimony from former US Deputy Attorney General (and Acting US Attorney General on the now infamous hospital visit), James Comey.

Mr. Comey is responding to written questions from Rep. Linda Sanchez.

There certainly aren't any more bombshells in this testimony although there is grist for those who hope to go after the AG for discussing classified material inappropriately.

2. Was classified information discussed in the hospital
room that night?

I did not discuss classified information. I do not recall whether Mr. Gonzales mentioned any aspects of the matter that would be considered classified, including the name of the program - which was itself classified, as I recall - when addressing Mr. Ashcroft.

...

Did all individuals present in the hospital room or with access to the hospital room have appropriate security clearance to learn of the matter discussed in the room?

I do not know, but assume Mrs. Ashcroft did not have
appropriate clearances.

Comey is very curt and precise in his wordings, so it would appear that trail goes cold fairly rapidly. Frankly, it would seem like an even longer shot than getting someone for outing Valerie Plame. There's not enough testimony, not likely to be enough testimony - and it would be terribly difficult to prove unless Mrs. Ashcroft comes forward with details she couldn't have gotten any other way and points the finger at Gonzales and Card.

Not gonna happen. It would appear that this was the main thrust of Rep. Sanchez's questioning and while they are useful questions to ask - I'm relieved they can let this wild goose chase drop and focus on bigger issues.

Like, how is it that this supersecret, program was allowed to continue even after the White House had been advised that the US Department of Justice would not attest that the program (as of March 10, 2004) was legal?

Ugh.

---Edited

While I was looking at Comey's responses to Rep. Sanchez's questions - the rest of the world was looking at Comey's response to Sen. Leahy's - and those do contain potentially explosive content.

Throw away the key

Watching the coverage of the Libby trail last night, I had worked myself all up - completely unable to decide which reason for clemency offered by the Libby defense was more galling:

• "but I have kids" Oh, please. We have two million people behind bars in this country - you think we don't send moms and dads to prison? We send single moms to jail, pal and unlike you, most of them can't afford to have nannies.
  
  
• "listen to all of these testimonials about my good character" Yes, listen to them. Kissinger, Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld. A veritable who's-who of disgraced public servants. Everybody gets to have their friends speak for them at this stage, and frankly your friends’ opinion of you should factor in about as often as it would for other defendants: practically never.
  
  
• "but I have already been punished..." This one really scales the heights of unmitigated gall. Libby's arguing that being a convicted felon, suffering the public embarrassment that goes with it and paying for his legal defense has been such a burden that additional punishment is unnecessary or unwarranted. It would be one thing if Libby had been sitting in jail during his trial, because he couldn't make bail - but last I checked, he's been a free man - pending his conviction and sentencing.
  
  The loss of his reputation? That's kind of a self inflicted wound, wouldn't you agree?

and then there's the capstone:

• "but I have a reputation of great public service" Yes. Yes you do. And it's over now - thanks to your own actions Mr. Libby. This reputation actually makes this offense worse. You've done all these great things and worked so hard. But when you were put before a Grand Jury, you chose to lie. You know the rules, you're a lawyer fer crissake, so you can't say you blundered into a misstatement or some contrived "perjury trap."

All of this leads into the most infuriating aspect of a person who seeks to trivialize their having been charged or convicted of perjury: There is no such thing as a "perjury trap." There are so many ways out of a perjury conviction. You can amend your testimony, you can clarify your testimony. Sure, saying "Hey, you know what? I just remembered that what I said before was wrong... Here's the deal..." will make you look like an idiot, but that's a helluva lot better than a felony conviction.

No, this turkey lies to the F.B.I., lies to a federal prosecutor, and then lies to the grand jury on multiple occasions. This was not a slip of the tongue, this was not a momentary lapse in recollection, this was a deliberate pattern of deception.

Why does he do this?

Likely a mixture of

1. He does not want to reveal facts that will prolong the Valerie Plame investigation; and
2. He does not believe he will be caught.

Well, he turns out to be right on 1 and wrong on 2.

Having agreed to take the bullet for his bosses, he is now whining about getting shot.
----

With the sentencing over, the talking heads now mull over the possibility of a presidential pardon. This has been advocated to an appalling degree by the GOP partisans, since it became clear that Mr. Libby was going to go down. It is clear that the Libby defense team has been positioning themselves for a pardon since the very beginning. Playing on the family suffering angle, how poor Mr. Libby is just a fall guy, etc.

Setting their otherworldly perspective aside; there are countless reasons why Mr. Libby should not be pardoned by this president. First on the list is that the President would be pardoning a subordinate for conduct that was performed in his service. Absent pardoning himself for his own misdeeds, there is no greater conflict of interest for the use of this power.

Normally, I would think that any president would see this easily and steer way the hell away from the issue.
But there are three unavoidable truths:

1. There are no limits on the use of presidential pardons - there are traditions, there are protocols, there are controversies - but nothing can prevent or undo a pardon;
2. This President has shown little restraint when faced with choices that went against established conventions, but advanced his personal agenda; and
3. The President is not up for re-election, and is in the process of being thrown under the bus by his fellow conservatives.

And so, I'm afraid that some time before January 20, 2009, Mr. Libby's name will appear on a document that will make this sorry episode that much worse.

I don't know how else it can be said: the guy doesn't deserve it. But these days, deserves got nothing to do with it.